Haiku: Black Rose

Luscious red the curse of beauty:

Passion's voluptuousness; obsession's agony -

Not much a warning to a dying soul a life akin thy ashes.

Haiku: Lady Needle

Under the artistry of your creativity
Nakedness a canvas for you shall be;
Caress me with the vibrance your needle weaves.

Lover's Rant

How long will you be distant from me? When will you start trusting me with your emotions? When will you start being honest about how you truly feel? How long more do I have to wait? How much more do I need to do? Fair enough that you want fairness. Yet, this isn't about fairness! If you were jealous, just say so and I will stop any further action! Do you always need me to ask you? I admire the independent person that you are, but I can never respect one who can't hold one's self together and be honest about what's truly felt. The results doesn't matter. It's up to you; distant yourself all you want for all I care. Only, never regret that you've begun losing someone you love dearly. Your distance and coldness tire me; I can no longer fan the flames of love alone in the cold while you're tugged away nicely in a tent, shutting me and everything else out. It takes two to clap; there's no difference between dealing with this alone and chasing the wind.

Wet Pillow

Someone once asked me if it was worth risking a smooth-sailing friendship for a deeper one. I was once convinced; my conscience isn't as clear as I would like to think it is. Moreover, the friendship was in fact far from smooth-sailing. There were bumps and holes along the journey. On a scale, it was lopsided. In a word, it's just a dream. Perhaps some things should've been left as dreams. Most of my life has been a dream anyway; there wouldn't be any difference between that and keeping you as a dream. Dreams are after all illusive; catching it would be like grasping the air with your hands. I can't feel the warmth on your face or the embrace of your heart. Your voice deafens me; your silence berates. You have always been what I thought you to be: a dream. My loneliness is therefore complete.

40 Minutes: Part II

I seated myself at the place of appointment, waiting hopefully and prayerfully. I can’t help feeling like a fool clinging on to the words of a desperate young man. I thought about what happened here just some hours ago. He had a point in saying that I would be as desperate as he is if I were in his shoes; I would definitely be worried sick. Perhaps, like him, most would think of me as a liar or a scheming thief. I watch anxiously and suspiciously. Perhaps I am, too, like everyone else, for the basis of my suspicions are stereotypes enforced by a society that is generally untrusting. They had their basis, however. Such incidences have increased over the years. My heart skips a beat as the time indicates ten minutes before the time he said he would be here. Will he be a man of his word? I wait, having nothing but every ounce of hope I have in God. I have done the right thing, have I? God help me.

~

I waited. And was disappointed. My phone’s stolen. Guess the only thing I can thank God for is the fact that I’m alive; things could have been worse. So much for hope, sincerity, and gullibility. I wonder why, though. I’ll never perceive this place in the same way ever again.

Empty promises. Sugar-coated lies. Cruel world.

Only thing I did right was to help him unconditionally. God bless him.

40 Minutes

The events of July 8, 2010 hours:

Was it an act of faith or out of pure gullibility that I gave up mobile phone to a total stranger claiming that he desperately needed help? He claimed that he was cheated of S$2,000 by a friend; he only had his passport, luggage, and laptop - of which I saw only the first (even then I wasn't sure if it was a fake one; I was too overwhelmed to even think straight!). He needed RM185 to get his luggage out from wherever it was and RM20+ for a ticket to Singapore. Persistent guy this is: He spent at least 40 minutes trying to convince me to withdraw the amount that he needed, followed him to the hotel to claim his luggage, and back to the train station to purchase a train ticket to Singapore. Initially he asked for cash and that he would pay me double of what I gave him the following day. I was throughout the entire time unsure about whether to help him - not that I did not want to. First, I'm poorer than the church mouse; all I had was my allowance while my savings account was as dry as hay. Secondly, this guy was really sweating and was even willing to beg me for help! Thirdly, I had no reason to be suspicious of him even though I was. Fourthly, he seemed sincere.

I was shaking like a rag doll inside, praying somehow that God would tell me what to do. I really couldn't think; if I was in a better frame of mind I would've asked him whether he had made a police report, asked him for a number of someone he knows who is aware of his trip here, etc just to check the his credibility. Unfortunately I was too tired to think of anything. However, I was honest with him about the amount of cash I had with me in total (which was really little) and I was a little bit skeptical about following him to wherever he claimed his luggage to have been. Eventually, he asked for my phone knowing that he wasn't going to get any cash from me. Along the way, he kept making me offers: First he offered to pay me back twice the amount of cash, then ten, then I think upon his realization that it was probably too much reduced it to three, then upon asking for my phone, he offered to pay me RM500 bucks upon returning my phone. He told me that he needed the phone (by this time I was too worked up to listen much less make sense of what he was saying) for whatever reasons. Before jumping into conclusions, it is NOT about the money. Even though I needed money it didn't make much sense for it to come this way, hence the prayers. I felt as if my hands and feet were tied: What if he really needed help? For if he was sincere, I would've been the one person that had made all the difference in his life. However, if he was faking it, I would've just turned myself into the most gullible person ever considering who I am.

At the end, I gave up my phone and kept my SIM card, hoping sincerely that it would be of use to him in anyway possible regardless of whether he was sincere or not. He gave me a number, 0163514896 and a name, "Ah Xiong". As I walked along the station's platform, I suddenly realized that my phone was set with my PIN number on, the memory card that probably held all my messages was still inside, and remembering him saying something about losing all his money to gambling...

I prayed for God's peace and assurance in this matter. I'm not sure I have it. I can only hope and continue praying.