waiting, walking...

Six months has been and I think this space has been sitting in cobwebs for too long a time. I’m quite sure by now those once faithful visitors of this mundane space have since moved on. My apologies to those whom I’ve told the reason for not writing was not having anything to write – which is not entirely true. I left it that way purposely in hopes of such a day as now so lend me your eyes.

There was much ambiguity in my last post which I think most felt after reading it; it is not exactly six months since I last wrote in July. Suffice to say that at the time that piece was written I wasn’t quite sure of that ambiguity myself as there were many things I was and not referring to. Although for the most part I was referring to my walk of faith in my pursuits, I did not mention the reluctance I felt in the job I was in – an obligation to my mom to honor her – as it was then that the piece was written. For a long time I could not understand the reason for my being there especially when it was already within my fullest awareness and knowledge in – with my life serving as the ultimate evidence of – God’s calling to ministry. Perhaps I was still struggling to understand what ministry was all about. Perhaps I still needed to know for sure that the area I’m called to is real and not for some cocked up self-glorifying reason. Perhaps I felt alone since I had not enough confidence in those around me in understanding me, let alone lending me an ear and shoulder. You get the idea.

But this is where I am: I’ve quit my job to answer God’s call and pursue my dreams. A fool’s dream it is – one might add – to have the world changed as a result of your being pulsating in every note set and written in iPods and iPhones; or, in the distribution of every word preached in booked globally. Whether I will eventually be a married musician, producer, preacher, psychologist, life coach, pioneer, and/or writer is entirely up to God. But since love is the essence of life and that love is patient, I’ll live waiting and answering at the right moment as God directs. For now, though, these joys I have by God’s grace: securing a job to support myself, Made to Love Concert, a lovely trip, winning the respect of my bosses and colleagues despite being the youngest in the company, completing my first Christian course on evangelism, constructing and launching a website, launching two corporate events, improving my music, and being involved in an upcoming Asia-Pacific conference – all in six months.

I believe there’s more…

F: A Testimony

Faith

Defined: Believing is seeing. Save worship, praise, and thanksgiving, the fruits of prayer, perseverence, and patience are beyond words or any other form of expression. A rising generation was the vision; love was the theme; the concert a living testimony for which I

Fasted...

And still am for almost a month now by the grace and mercies of God. Suffice to say for now, however, that God brought harvest in this concert not because of the work and prayers of one, but the peoples who chose to represent the very purpose the church was called for - the ministry of reconciliation, unity, and love. And it is also through this miraculous experience that I realize the reason of God's

Favor

Upon whom He pleases to bestow for His name's sake; that is, to allow those around whom He has chosen to bless receive the ripples of grace that none save the Lord is greater in any way, for only He is righteous, faithful and just. Humility is then expected of all especially of those whom much is given that none may dwell in self-righteousness but to have the life and truth God speaks which sets us

Free

Through the conviction of the Holy Spirit that comes by faith through the hearing and reading of His Word. It is only because of this that I am truly liberated from the standards by which this world functions, for I am fully convinced that there is nothing much this world has to offer me. The Lord has taught me to function within His standards which are higher than that of this world; and in so learning I am rest assured that all my dreams are in Christ

Found.

AE

The key to the permanent closure of my college life has been marked with this acronym and is, if not within the next few months, a year from now which somewhat coincides with my convocation. So near yet so far; graduation is the distance of mere strokes of a pen. Well, no point fretting over this. There's still milk in the glass; the mess just needs a little clean up. I'm thankful.

First Day [Lost Intentions Revisited]

Partly inspired by Sacks, O. (1985), along with personal observations.

~

The number of train-takers has unprecedentedly increased since I last observed from riding on them daily. Going to work is akin a production line of people bored and tired from the humdrum routines of life – how the train transports people like factories producing steel from its raw materials to the finished product. Mechanical and utterly mundane, everything is governed by safety-first rules and perhaps a false sense of security. Such aura is unmistakable; perhaps the only excitement is when someone gets injured or killed.

Being part of this entire ritual has not changed my perceptions about people and life much; all but one case: Perhaps there are still people who function as if their dreams were in the midst of realization, if not already realized. Rather than measuring the extent to which their passions are expressed based on how far up the corporate ladder they have climbed (thus implying a destination), it is to them a journey of unraveling who they really are while existing. I am perhaps under this label.

Having said so, it remains to my conviction that the unraveled is merely to many the entanglement of the self by the things of this world; all this and more – in the worst sense – unbeknownst, most appallingly, to a good majority. Like the infinitely illusive nature Ambition's Destination and its perilous paths, most, simply by clinging on to ever-changing determinants of success and survival – the frames of Transportation and Time – mutate into losing any and every trace of existential proprioception; that is, the functional disembodiment of consciousness itself.

On Earth

To all.

I don't know what my plans are. Not to say that I don't have one; the only certainty is the unpredictability of life. My life has never been my own. I've lived to serve people as best as I can. My experiences are not for me but for those who need them. The price I choose to pay may be of a magnitude greater than that I imagined, and though I may not know what I speak of, I'm willing to pay that price. If that makes me a fool, a fool shall I be for life. Choice is after all redundant, for fools and wise share the same fate. Moreover, the price for all things good or bad is measured in equal eternal terms - Life or Death; all bends to the Will of One.

Whether I die living the life I'm supposed to live is of no importance to me anymore. I can have my heart's desires and more, but what do I gain from amassing all the knowledge, wisdom, experience and wealth the world has to offer apart from confusion, meaninglessness, a lost soul, and, ultimately, death? Perhaps the true answer to this question is yet to be found. To find this answer, however, I must embark on a journey untraveled and unparalleled by no other. I should be the least of your concerns, for I am about to achieve everything that you never dared to. When in doubt, pray wisely.

Godspeed.